Hey you!
Even-though spring is around the corner and the skies are clearing up, I should be keeping an umbrella on me because lately handsome guys are falling from the sky. It must be my fairy godmother, because if I were on drugs for this long, I would be dead by now! Wait….that must be it! I’m dead and I must be in heaven!! Cool! 😎That means I’ve been a good girl in my life, and now it’s time to be a bad one in my death haha.
Alright, I know all of the above doesn’t make much sense without a story, so let me catch you up. If you read the previous blog, you know about the Firefighter, Mr New Zealand, Mr Australia and the rest of the entourage. You also know that Mr Australia is the one I’m the most into…I mean I was….But this is what I love about life, you never know what happens next.
I’ve been really affectionate towards Mr Australia. But if I’m into someone, that’s just what you can expect. Your problems are my problems. Your desires are my desires. I wanna see you, talk to you, be with you, make sweet love to you, but if it takes too long for you to get back to me. If I notice that I'm the one who's initiating connection of some sort most of the time, that puts me in a really insecure place and I can't promise anything after that.
I think you all see where I'm going with this. Last week, Mr Australia was on holiday in my hometown, Budapest. He's been quite good at getting back to me, but I did notice that if I don't initiate conversation, he doesn't. Hmmm....not a good sign man, not a good sign. Anyway...I tried not to think too much to it, but then shit finally hit the fan. Few days went by without us having any sort of communication, so I figured I break the silence and one day prior his return I asked if Hungary was treating him well. It was a question so he has to get back to me. It usually takes an hour or two tops for him to reply but this time, hours go by and nothing. I'm trying to calm myself down saying stuff to myself like "he's just probably still sleeping from his night out", "he's busy with his friends, he'll get back to you when he's got time, Sylvia calm the fuck down". Then I see he was online, but didn’t read my message. “It’s fine Sylvia, he’ll get back to you later”. Then the next time I check my phone, I see he read my message hours ago. This time, no thoughts creep in but I’m starting to feel heavy in my chest. I'm feeling heavy for a little while then eventually the silence in my mind gets broken by a "it's over".
In this moment I'm just sad. It's hard to think. Almost tiring. I just feel pretty overwhelmed. I can't be alone right now. I don't want to be alone right now. I need people around me to keep my mind busy. If you’re reading my blogs you know about couchsurfing's hangouts by now. (For those of you who new to my blogs - I use the hangout section of the app called couchsurfing to meet new people in the city). I've been using it quite a lot lately. So I go on it and make myself available to the world out there. Within a few minutes I get a bunch of requests, but suddenly I feel uninterested. "I don't wanna be with anyone else but him". "Argggg...I don't care". I ended up getting in a few conversations but no actual plans began to form, and I didn't wanna force it either. Anyway I gave my number to a few people and instructed them to keep in touch on Whatsapp.
I was texting a guy - let's call him Diablo (he was half spanish) - he seemed to be a decent person but he said he'll be busy from 5pm, so I just left it. I went on with my day. Made something to eat. Wanted to work on my personal projects but it was too hard to focus so I ended up just laying on the bed whining. Suddenly out of nowhere I hear my phone ringing. I see it's Diablo calling. I’m hesitating to pick up the phone for a few seconds, but then I decided to answer it. He says he'll be having some drinks with his friends from 5pm, and he asks if I wanted to join them. His voice sounded really friendly. It thought it was a perfect opportunity to take my mind off of Australia, so I took it.
I arrive to the place and as I make my way into the bar I see a guy coming out. He looks me in the eye, and I look in his. I felt a wave of attraction, but that was all in the moment. A few minutes later I see Diablo coming towards me. I recognised him from the pictures. He was nice and welcoming. He tells me his friend is at the bar, so we make our way there. He leads me to the guy that I just had the brief eye contact with. Diablo introduces me to him. I was thinking to myself; “oh okay. Hey! It’s good to know your name Mr.” (He’s got the swimmers’ body, so we’re gonna call him Mr. Swimmers from now).
I had a brief chat with the guys and I ordered a drink. I go outside where the rest of the group is and Diablo introduces me to a girl from Italy and two other guys. I shake hands with everyone and smile friendly. I thought they were a great group of people so I'm instantly feeling better. I engage in the conversations and as I'm looking at Mr Swimmers and Miss Italy, standing next to each other, I make the assumption that they’re a couple. Diablo tells me that he knows both of them from a training they all attended, three months ago. Later Mr Swimmers leaves the group to use the washroom and Diablo informs me that Miss Italy and Mr Swimmers had hooked up at this training. I'm trying to understand the situation without asking too many personal questions, so I'm just taking every piece of information and puzzle the picture together. I'm like "okay....so they've hooked up but they're not together".
Although I found Swimmers attractive, I thought he's off the table for multiple reasons:
There's someone in this group who might have feelings for him.
I hooked up with a guy in the past who made out with other girls in front of me. It was a soul crushing experience. I didn't want to be the reason for the same pain for someone else.
It was Diablo who invited me out. I knew it wasn't officially a date, but I thought if anyone had the "right to hit on me". It'd be him.
what the fuck am I even thinking about? I'm not here to get hit on by anybody, I'm just here to make new friends and to keep my mind off of Australia. Right?
Right. So as the time goes by the other two guys had to leave for the Star Wars’ wrapping party. (Yes, one of them was working on it. Pretty cool huh?) So now it’s just me, Diablo, Mr Swimmers and Miss Italy. As we’re sipping on our drinks and keep on talking, I’m noticing that Mr Swimmers is giving me some type of looks. As I reveal more and more about myself, he seems to be more and more curious. On the other hand Diablo only seems to care about Mr Swimmers presence. He talks about how great, tall and good looking he is. Not in a way like he’s interested in him, but more like he’s trying to overcompensate some insecurities he’s battling within himself in the moment.
Time is passing by and we decide to go to a restaurant to have some pizza. I sit next to Swimmers, on the opposite seat of Diablo. Diablo gets in a conversation with the guys sitting at the table next to us and I end up talking to Miss Italy and Mr Swimmers. For a few minutes both boys left the table to smoke, and Miss Italy wants to know how Diablo “convinced me” to come here. She was trying to cover the worry on her face, but I saw it. She could sense that Mr Swimmers was interested in me. I explained to her how couch-surfing works and informed her, that I didn’t have to be convinced because I made myself available to hang. I’m trying to calm her down by quickly telling the story of Australia and even showed a picture of him to subconsciously signal that I’m already into someone else. She doesn’t have to worry about me taking her man. I felt bad for her. I know it sucks to see someone you’re into, to be interested in someone else.
After a little while the boys return from the bathroom and Mr Swimmers sits back next to me. I start feeling his leg touching mine every now and then. I keep the conversation going, trying not to give to much attention to it but eventually he puts his hand on my knee. My heart starts racing and I feel a wave of heat rushing through my body, all the way to my face. Suddenly all doubts go away. It’s a clear signal. He wants me. My thoughts are running wild. “Italy’s gonna kill me” but I can’t help myself. No matter how much I want to be a good girl in the situation I can’t help it. I love feeling his hand on me….
To be continued…